omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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