Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
