u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
