Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
