Do you still have your period?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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