hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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