the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i believe in u and ur pee
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
