She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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