She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
