sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
