"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
