My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
