So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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