I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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