so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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