It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
