My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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