i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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