just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
