he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
