Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
