I want to have your abortion
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think people are normalizing furries
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