The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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