Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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