Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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