she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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