Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
