i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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