And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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