Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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