dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
