this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
