Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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