Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
