I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
