I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
