you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
