I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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