Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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