Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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