and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
