have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
