I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
