First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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