operation harelip BJ is a go
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Damn victory sex feels great
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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