before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
