i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
