Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
