Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
