Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
