why didn't you poke me back
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
