dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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