If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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