My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
