i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I lost the right to judge tonight
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
