Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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