i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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